The simple mistake people make when growing their speaking

Did it happen to you?

It did to me.

I was giving my first ever speech to a new audience.

 

I had had one audience for a while and they were so supportive.  Responding positively, giving me lots of validation.

And then I presented to a new audience,

feeling confident.  I’d done this before.  All good.

And then the feedback.

It’s a long time ago, and there was possibly something positive said, but the thing that I have never forgotten, was being told that I swayed.

I was flummoxed.

I swayed?

And I learned:

Not all audiences think I’m wonderful, and in fact they’re probably looking for mistakes

and

I couldn’t trust my body.  It wasn’t all about the words, after all, there was a body to control as well.

The second feedback person –

OK.  I’ll come clean

it was a teacher

in Year 2

and I was actually reciting a poem.

At home, I had doting parents who taught me, from a family history of loving words and performing poetry.  They taught, they modelled and gave me loving support.

The teacher at school … not QUITE the same.

And I have never forgotten that.

I know now that there was no inkling beforehand that a body was involved as well as voice,

and there was the concept of judgement, not necessarily preceded by training and not necessarily giving a way forward to deal with the suggestion for improvement.

Meh, she was a year two teacher in a country school and that was how most training and teaching was done.

But I had that fear of public speaking embedded early.

Hated public speaking ever after.

Unfortunately, given the early grounding, I was also good at it (despite the threat of swaying   🙂

I went on to represent my schools in local-district-state competitions in public speaking and debating

and then from the public speaking club I joined later on as an adult – again representing club, district and state.

AWAYS nervous.  ALWAYS.  And as the stakes got higher the fear of public speaking and nerves got higher as well.

This was judgement at its highest level.  This was necessary control of body, mind and energy at the highest level.

So I had carried it into my adult life, that belief that public speaking was always about audiences who judged – standing on those stages, in the spotlight, being judged – an incredibly challenging vulnerability – one that I know is also challenging to so many people I have supported, coached, mentored.

Back then, all I knew to do was to drop out of the competitive speaking environment.  I got off the hamster wheel, not knowing what was needed, just knowing that there had to be a change.

And eventually I realised the mistaken assumption.

It took years, sorting out what was going on – adrenalin, nerves, and just what was behind my public speaking – knowing that it had to be something that came from a different place than that competitive judgement-driven mindset.

I came to realise that most ordinary audiences really don’t care much about faults and faux pas, especially if you don’t make a big deal of them.

They don’t care about perfection, they care about trusting you to care about them.

Trusting that you have THEIR interests at heart.

All of us who speak, whether we are educating, inspiring, selling or passionately changing the world, right outside any competitive field, we are being considered on one single overriding criterion,

and all audiences are the same.

That criterion is “Do you care about me and my needs?”

So in my speeches, I haven’t changed the messages, or the words, I simply created the Trust Formula to weave into those, and it changed everything. 

I saw audiences following along, nodding and beaming with the same sudden understandings.  But best of all I felt confident.  The nerves dissipated and I knew I had a formula that would make my audiences and myself have faith in what I had for them.

I changed how I presented my messages.

Please know there’s nothing wrong with your vulnerability challenge.  We all feel it.  And know that the answer lies in the way your present your material – laced with the Trust Formula – that you can present without bragging, and that you do care.

If you want to build that strength in vulnerability, the confidence and skills that makes great speakers, then you can join my Pivotal Public Speaking group program – and build the Foundations of Public Speaking. 

Please feel free to contact me with any questions you have as well.