,

Your speech conclusion – leave your audience with something to remember

 

He is a beautiful human being;

damaged by the breaking he went through

now humbly rebuilding his life,

learning who he is now and what he is capable of,

slowly, slowly expanding his skills and confidence.

And knowing that, and being the humble human being he is,

he ends his speeches with “Thank you.”

And that’s OK

within our group where everything is set up to be safe to experiment, to grow and learn.

I am encouraging him to lose the “Thank you” when he is ready.

He’s not ready.

He’s keeping safe, keeping humble, not stressing outside his limits.

Because otherwise, he will end up back in the mess, back in hospital.

It is a wonderful process to watch.  Each speech inches closer to the goals we set.

Like Jared (not his real name), you have to end your speech in a way that fits with your brand, your personality, your message.  We all do.

But wherever you are, beginning tentatively like Jared, or further along the road, please, please aim NOT to end your presentation in “Thank you.”

It’s not, as far as I am concerned, that your audience needs to thank you, (though hopefully they will) – which is the normal explanation for this advice.  There’s too much ego in that for me.

But what is important, is that this is one of the most powerful parts of a speech and you waste it, with “Thank You”. 

What will you you do with the one sentence, the one paragraph that should stay in their minds, because it’s the last thing they heard?

What I encourage you to do, as I encourage Jared and as I endeavour to do in all my own presentations whether in advocacy, teaching or marketing

is to finish with a piece of rhetoric/speaking/presentation that embeds in the minds of your audience, whatever we have spent the whole speech encouraging the audience to do – and do might mean to think, to say, to action.

Our whole presentation has that one focus.  One.  And the conclusion leaves our audiences in no doubt about that focus, that message.

You can use any number of devices from quotes to stories to calls-to-action to simple body language and many more.

You can invite, challenge, confront, inspire, educate – whatever fits your own presentation style and message, but do it and do it with strength so that your audience is left in no doubt as to the importance of doing just what you recommended.

Enjoy the challenge, my friends.

, , , , , ,

The speaker struggle between “performing” and being “authentic”

performing_authentic

I am writing this as the world mourns David Bowie.

Something Bowie said reminded me about the dichotomy that we all face, in public speaking, between “performing” and being “authentic.”

Many of my clients come to me because they are deterred from speaking by their fear of “performing” this thing called public speaking, fear of not adequately meeting some set of criteria, and of losing their self and their real message in that performance. .

Many of you will know how much of a struggle the dichotomy has been for me. I spent many years entering (and winning my fair share) of public speaking competitions. It is a world unto itself, competitive public speaking, bound by rules, and it involves speaking knowing that one is being judged (a nervous beginner’s worst nightmare, and daunting for the old hands as well!).

So for all those years I operated within that world and its rules, doing well, but constantly feeling the weird dislocation of communicating with an audience via a strict set of guidelines.

It has been incredibly liberating to give up the concept of being judged as a performer.

But still the dichotomy remains – authenticity is vital and yet performance has to be factored in. They must still be in balance.

And for me, and for many others like me, there is also the strange “lure” of performance, threatening to pull that balance awry in a different direction.

Two “events” that have crossed my path in the last couple of weeks have really highlighted this “lure” of performance.

The death of David Bowie was one but before that …

You might also be aware of my interest/obsession (!) with Outlanders, the series of books … and with the TV series, how it is being made …

and with the lead actor who is a consummate professional on and off stage.

(The fact that his good looks are highlighted at every opportunity doesn’t hurt either, but it’s not the main source of my interest.!)

The image below is from an Instagram post. He has had to work out to create the build of the character, Jamie. But he is also very involved in charities and one program he runs is a fitness/goal achievement challenge from which the funds go to one of those charities. In the course of this fundraising he has had to endure photo shoots for a cross-fit magazine, to promote this fundraiser.

sam heughan vulnerability

When you finish enjoying what he has achieved in terms of the physique, maybe you can read the text …

and see that possibility – of creating a performance, or a mask, behind which to hide the real you.

Where would you say this lies on the spectrum between authenticity and performing?

The second event, was the demise of David Bowie – a shock to the world. He was an icon of our age. Meant so much to so many people for so many reasons. He strummed our pain. He gave us possibilities outside our squares. He provided sheer entertainment and amazing music. He stimulated our creativity. He gave us solace.

Many of us are now listening to his latest and final recording for the hints he embedded about his attitude to life … and to death.

Even at the end, he was orchestrating his life. In 1976 he told Playboy “I’ve now decided that my death should be very precious. I really want to use it. I’d like my death to be as interesting as my life has been and will be.”

We are now looking back at the latest album, at the quotations, and connecting the dots back from the death of an icon. And in my efforts to do just that I found this quote which I put into a graphic.

bowie_shy

Both of these beautiful, thoughtful, creative professionals, expressing the concept of a separate persona or mask in order to perform or “expose” oneself.

So there it is …

and while I do see performance as a lure, mindful as I am of lingering memories of old experiences, I also find in it support for my theory that

introverts make the best speakers!

And the dichotomy remains!

After lots of experience and deliberation, and now these two events, I have reached this …

that the compromise between performance and being yourself comes, I think, down to two things –

being your best self

and playing the game with your audience.

What do you think?

You might also be interested in:

, , ,

Does public speaking give you a nervous rash? Here’s how to cure it

I hate public speaking - that rash

About that rash …

Yes that rash … the one you were telling me about at the networking meeting.

“Oh public speaking,” you said, “I hate public speaking. I always get that rash that spreads up my neck. So embarrassing! I have to wear a scarf!”

Is it because of the rash that you hate public speaking or is it that you hate public speaking and consequently get a rash?

Or is it that you don’t mind public speaking, or you wouldn’t mind public speaking? In fact you would probably enjoy it, but somewhere someone said something that gave you the idea that you would be judged every time you spoke or that the stakes are high every time you speak – be careful!

And that created stress. Stress releases cortisol and adrenaline into your system and both are known to affect the skin. Or it could be that you are having an allergic reaction caused by stress.

Either way you need to relieve yourself of the stress. That way you bring back the enjoyment you expect from public speaking and the freedom to speak without worrying about that rash.
And in this case, though not for everyone, it was caused by fear of being judged and fear of failure.
And what could you use, what thought pattern could you introduce, what story could you tell yourself so that you lost those fears?

The first step is to lose the focus on you. Yes I know there might be a rash, but there won’t be if you stop focussing on you, your being judged, your risks in the high stakes outcome.
The second step is to focus on having a conversation with our audience. Look at it as a stylised conversation, perhaps, but don’t call it “public speaking”. This is different, if only so that it’s no longer associated in your mind and adrenal glands with the ”thing” (“public speaking’) that causes the anxiety, the stress, the rash.

And in this conversation, just as in any conversation, engagement and connection occur naturally. Be a natural, not someone being judged on a performance.

And while you are focussing on that audience and the conversation, think about what you are doing for them. What are you giving them that they need or want or like? Start with the mindset of service, of win-win for you and them. Research them and uncover what they need/want/like and appreciate and then give that. Make them aware, and reassure yourself, that you are there to serve.

It is not about you. It is about your audience and your service to them.

So while the high stakes may involve making a sale or persuading or impressing, that sale, that persuasion, that impression will all be made so much easier and less stressful if you aim to serve and make it obvious that that is your aim. And the outcomes will be so much more abundant as well.

Win-win for all concerned.

Know that your new techniques will take away the feeling of being judged and the stress of high stakes outcomes. Know that all you need to do is know your audience, hold a stylised conversation with them and offer them service. And the anxiety drops. The stress drops. The adrenalin and the cortisol drop. The rash goes and public speaking becomes something to anticipate with pleasure.

You CAN do this!

…..

Now … about that adrenalin addiction – that adrenalin habit, the one you told me about at the dinner last night – ah that’s a whole other article…!

, , , , ,

[Quick Public Speaking Tip] Oops, how embarrassing, you’re boring your audience

oops_boring
It’s a moment that nervous speakers dread – to realise that most of your audience is bored.

They’re glassy eyed, maybe even falling asleep, chatting or texting.

Horrors!

Worse still and more embarrassing is the presenter who becomes frantic, attempting to regain attention.

It has happened to me twice.

The first was early in my speaking career when I became aware of a lady in the front row, slumped, with her head back and her mouth open, quietly snoring. The second was later, during a presentation, and I watched with increasing concern as one after another, the people in the audience got that glazed look. They were too polite to nod off or chat, but the evidence was there. I had been asked to present on the subject and had failed to research that audience and their needs, which, it turned out, were on a different level altogether.

I well remember the panicky feeling. Fortunately I managed to turn the situations around. As the snores gently increased, we moved quickly into small group discussion so that the people around the sleepy-head moved and woke her up to participate. And in the presentation, as it became increasingly obvious that the material I had prepared was just not appropriate, I was able to drop the script, and work with the audience to find out their needs and present something they needed and got quite excited about. But I will never forget that initial feeling of losing attention.

Avoid the whole situation if you can by researching your audience and make sure you address the What’s In It For Me factor.

Avoid the whole situation if you can by embedding signposts so that your audience can follow the road of your presentation with you.

Avoid the whole situation if you can by ensuring you have variety wired into your presentation, and have something up your sleeve that you can move into if necessary.

Introduce a new visual.

Involve the audience.

Ask questions.

Change your stance, body language or walking pattern.

Stop.

Stand still.

Change from a complex approach to the subject and create pure simplicity. Change direction entirely.

Ask for directions to take.

Whatever you use, it will become a smooth, professional piece of your presentation instead of a situation that embarrasses you and your audience.

, , ,

Turn your anxiety into a great public speech with this free video lesson

Learn how to turn your anxiety into a great public speech with this free video lesson from a professional public speaker.

Public speaking rules and advice

, , ,

[Quick public speaking tip] How to disown your inherited fear of public speaking

fear_disown

Sometimes it’s necessary to dig down to the roots of our fear of public speaking. And there can be a lot of those, but if you dig them out, one by one, confidence grows.

Does fear of public speaking run in your family?

I’m not sure if there is a genetic cause for this but I do know that if you have seen your parents or a family member speaking or performing confidently in public, then you will most likely see it as something you can do too. But if you see fear and aversion to public speaking then you will probably adopt that as part of your culture as well.

So it may be time to kick it out of your culture again, disown it. You could have a “coming out” party where you announce to your family that, in fact, you are a confident pubic speaker, and even though that is so different to everything they believe in, you just have to go ahead with it. Can’t do that in real life? Then do it in your head. It’s just as effective.

Otherwise … rebel! Imagine yourself dressed in something absolutely outlandish – entirely different from your family’s normal, raising your fist in the air and speaking with confidence – the “rock star” speaker you always dreamed you could be.

You will know what works for you when it comes to being independent, just do whatever it takes to dig out that attitude that you have inherited, and grow a new one. Be the successful speaker you know you can be.

, , , , ,

Q & A – What to say if you don’t know the answer

speaker_Q&A

Many speakers fear and avoid a Q & A.

Why … because they fear a disaster spiraling out of control.

“What if someone asks a question and I don’t know the answer?”

Experienced speakers know, however, that rather than being a disaster, a Q&A is a wonderful opportunity and they prepare to leverage that opportunity.

“But how can you prepare for every question? No-one can know the answer to everything!”

Let’s look, instead, at preparing for the opportunity buried within this seemingly impossible disaster.

First step … If you don’t know the answer, admit it. That is not a disaster, in itself, or in the making.

Admitting to not knowing the answer is a chance to build authenticity.

Audiences are reasonable. They understand that in the avalanche of information available, no one person can know it all.

There is nothing authentic or credible about someone trying to side-step a question with blustering. Much better to tell the truth.

But before you lose your credibility as an expert, have a plan for response to these questions.

1. If it’s possible, know the experts in the room. Throw the question to one of them, and you are providing a resource just as much as if you had given an answer. You have provided an answer. You have created or reinforced a connection with the other expert. And you have positioned yourself within a community of experts.

2. You can also refer the question back to the audience in general. You are building engagement here with your interaction. If it is possible to allow discussion, you can build a sense of community within the audience. If it’s appropriate you can ask for opinions, stories and examples as well as facts.

3. Finally, saying “No comment” just doesn’t work. You appear either to be completely ignorant and helpless on the subject, or worse still, trying to hide something. If there is no way to answer in the moment, commit to getting the answer to the questioner as soon as possible – to either giving them good sources/resources at the end of your presentation or to communicating an answer in coming days. If you cannot answer because it is not appropriate or you are not at liberty to answer, explain why. Again, audiences are generally reasonable and understanding.
This is also providing an opportunity to reinforce your respect for your audience and its members. Answering with integrity and an honest effort to help, you are showing respect for the person asking the question and for the question itself, no matter how awful the question or the motives of the questioner.

That respect is all part of the process of building and maintaining your credibility and your authenticity. And Q&A has given you the opportunity to contribute more to that process. Rather than being a disaster waiting to happen, Q&A becomes a valuable opportunity.

, , ,

7 Days of Christmas – more than 50% off “From Anxious to Awesome”

From Anxious to AwesomeAs part of my 7 Days of Christmas promotion, this powerful eBook, From Anxious to Awesome, is available for the special price of just $17.00 (normally $37)!

Let me take you through the process that will free you to present with confidence

– free you to make an impact – free you to give a successful speech

– free you to become a confident speaker.

Understand why you feel the way you do about public speaking and how to work with that to turn public speaking into a positive experience.

Create a speech and a mindset that sets you up for success.

Prepare so that there is nothing to fear- not judgment, not accidents and disasters, not the unexpected.

This offer is only available until 5 p.m. Thursday 19th December. Get it here >>> http://bit.ly/1bwjHHG

, , , ,

Public Speaking quote – Churchill on courage

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”

Winston Churchill

Churchill

, , ,

Quick public speaking tip – Grounding

Stand with your weight on the balls of your feet, not on your heels.

The grounded balance will give you a firm base for confidence and from which to develop the most effective body language and gestures.

, , ,

5 Tips for Overcoming Public Speaking Nerves

Your mouth is dry, heart palpitating, and knees knocking. You go into panic, facing a dreaded public speaking assignment.

It doesn’t have to be so.

These five tips will give you some strategies to overcome those symptoms and have the butterflies flying in formation.

1. Deep breathing will pull in oxygen. Adrenalin, secreted to help you deal with the fear brought on by little doubts, causes breaths to become shallow, or causes you to hold your breath. Deep breathing will help your brain work to capacity, and forcing the slower pace will quell the panic.

2. Bluff. Stand tall, with shoulders back and chest out. Smile. Even though you don’t feel happy or confident, do it anyway. You will look confident and your body will fool your brain into thinking it is confident. This really works!!
Bluff – body and smile

3. Keep you mouth and throat hydrated. Plan to keep a drink on hand while you are speaking., though this sounds impossible. Visualising how you will use it if you need it, and calling up the audacity to do such a thing will carry across to your attitude as you take your place to speak, placing your glass just where you need it to be.

4. Adrenalin sends the blood rushing to the fight/flight centres of your brain at the base of the skull. Place your hand on your forehead and press gently on the bony points. This will bring the blood to the parts of the brain that need it to present your speech best.

5. Know you are prepared. Obviously this depends on actually being prepared, so take every opportunity in the days leading up to the speech to prepare your material. Be familiar with the structure of the presentation, and the ideas to use. Memorise the most important parts, and the parts you are frightened of forgetting. I would memorise the opening of the speech and in the moments before presenting it, would reassure myself that I knew that part, and that would lead on to the rest. It worked!!

…………………………………………….
©Bronwyn Ritchie
If you want to include this article in your publication, please do, but please include the following information with it:
Bronwyn Ritchie is a professional librarian, writer, award-winning speaker and trainer. She is a certified corporate trainer and speech contest judge with POWERtalk, a certified World Class Speaking coach, and has had 30 years experience speaking to audiences and training in public speaking. Get her 30 speaking tips FREE and boost your public speaking mastery over 30 weeks. Go to http://www.30speakingtips.com

For my eBook on Overcoming public speaking nerves, visit http://bit.ly/NEKghl

, ,

10 Sure-Fire Steps To Take The Fear Out Of Public Speaking

Do you “feel the fear” when asked to do some public speaking? Public speaking is still one of our greatest fears and it turns grown men and women into nervous wrecks. The mere thought of it turns our tongue to cotton wool, causes our internal plumbing to act up and turns our knees to jelly. Well, there’s no need for all of this because help is at hand. All you need to remember are your P’s and Q’s. Let’s start with the P’s

(…more)

, ,

Fear Of Public Speaking, the Best Way to Get Rid of It

Do you have nightmares about public speaking? When you have to stand up in front of a group does your mouth go dry? Hands shake? Stomach turn flip-flops? Feel lightheaded? Think you may pass out?

Welcome to the club. If it’s any comfort, you are not alone!

According to a well-known survey, 65% of us would rather die than speak in public. Many have tried for years to overcome their fear and given it up as hopeless. But wait! There is hope.

We can now turn to one tested method to end the fear of public speaking that has been shown to yield amazing results. It is The Lefkoe Method (TLM).

Probably the least known, but possibly the fastest way of getting rid of the fear of speaking in public, is The Lefkoe Method (TLM). TLM is based on the knowledge that our behavior is governed by what we believe to be true. Therefore, it focuses on finding the 10 or so negative beliefs that make us fear public speaking. These can be such beliefs as, Mistakes and failure are bad; If I make a mistake, I’ll be rejected; or People aren’t interested in what I have to say; etc.

Perhaps the most interesting feature of this approach is how consistently it works.

(…more)